Grandma needs to get run over by a reindeer

At the risk of sounding insensitive or stereotypical, I think by far the worst co-workers are old people. they have been with the company since it started, when it was one small building full of cubes, so they think they know everything and are not afraid to tell you that. the one old hag i work with simply has a slew of awful habits- She coughs ALL DAY LONG like she has a cold- for the past 2 years i have ben working here. When asked about it, she says she just has a "very dry throat". there is no way your throat is that dry, drink some water, have a losenge, something! She also butts in to every conversation uninvited, and then proceeds to take over and make it about her, her husband, her grandkids, her swimming pool and her stupid dog. Her favorite phrase is "i couldn't help but overhear..." nosy bitch, she always has input on things she has no idea about, and was not asked to chime in. On top of all that, she farts as she walks down the main aisle- how f#%&% rude can you be? Like i need to smell your toxic ass cloud- especially when you walk right into it and it stuns you! I want to puke all over her! Her breath smells like dog sh**, and she is a close-talker. when she's having a (usually uninvited) conversation with anyone, she stands about 3 inches from your face so her dragon breath nearly singes your nose hairs. And she is very touchy-feely... let me tell you, i avoid conversation with her so she doesnt pat my back, slap my shoulder or touch my arm- her arms look like long shriveled raisins in those sleeveless shirts- i wish she'd get a clue and stop wearing them! She talks SO LOUD on the phone that the people at the other end of the office know what's going on- and when she talks to people she treats them like retards, explaining every little thing and talking to them like children. just because you are like, 102 years old- doesn't mean everyone should be treated like a child. She talks to herself about everything, you can hear her through the thin cube walls. and she does this weird scratching and moving thing when she is talking- either she is scratching her arm or hand with those long old lady nails that make that hideous scraping noise- or she is brushing her leg with her hand and twisting unconciously. i know she probably has no idea she does it, but it is nonetheless annoying while speaking to her (when i have to). she always has crust in her eyelashes like she never washes her face in the morning, and her troll toenails stick out of those hideous sandals for the world to see- gross! She must be clueless if she doesn't realize everyone hates her and is laughing at her- we even send emails back and forth when she does something gross or weird. Whew... i think that's it. I feel better now. ~LE

Dan is a Dick !

DAN CALLED IN TODAY, WITH AN ATTITUDE RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING.  HE WAS ASKING WHY THERE WAS A FAX ON HIS DESK WITH REGARDS TO THE ORDER B### PLACED FOR THAT BRANCH.  HE SAID I DON’T KNOW WHY THIS WAS SENT OVER, ITS CONFUSING.  I SAID IT WAS PROBABLY JUST A CONFIRMATION ON THE ORDER THAT B### PLACED FOR THEM.  HE SAID, "BUT WHY WOULD I GET THIS AFTER MY GUYS HAD ALREADY PICKED UP?"  HE SAID, YOU KNOW ALL MY BILLING GOES TO CORPORATE RIGHT?  I SAID YES.  HE SAID, OK, IM JUST GOING TO PRETEND I NEVER SAW THIS PAPER AND IM GOING TO ASSUME YOU BILLED CORPORATE.  I SAID OK.

WHAT AN AHOLE.  NO REASON TO GIVE ME SUCH A HARD TIME OVER A STUPID FAX CONFIRMATION.  I DON'T SEE WHY THOSE GUYS ARE EVEN IN BUSINESS.  WE BASICALLY GIFT WRAP BUSINESS FOR THEM, AND GET NOTHING BUT ATTITUDE.  C%$## TOLD ME THE ONE TIME, "IF I DON'T HAVE ANY OF YOUR PRODUCT, I'LL JUST SELL THEM SOMETHING ELSE".  WHAT A ______________

Bad Manners

My co-workers treat me like "one of the guys", and I've gotta tell you, it isn't pretty. One in particular may know more fart jokes than my brother! Gad. - MM Philadelphia,Pennsylvania

A Case of Indigestion

I would put my lunch in employee refridgerator in the morning and by lunch my snacks inside my bag would be gone! After the third time it happened I was fed up. The fourth day the chocolate covered alka-seltzers disappeared and my lunch was never touched again. - AJ Sacremento, California

Now accepting entries for the worst coworker!

We are now on the hunt for the 'Best of the Worst Coworker". Who drives you crazy at work with their annoying habits, lack of skills and general brown-nosing. Let us know and feel free to submit a small photo so we can share with the world.

Send your entries to contributions@hatemycoworker.com